Listening: Fiona Apple’s new record = I really, really like it! Am psyched that she’s back. Also been listening to Royal Headache a lot, as well as Grimes, because I need a fix of spooky girl electro and Fever Ray isn’t putting out a new record anytime soon. And a mix CD I made about ten years ago with stuff like Aaliyah, Missy Elliott and Jay-Z: basically a massive Timbaland-fest. It has stickers of Chococat all over it. And lots of Neil Young lately: On the Beach, Zuma, After the Gold Rush.
Watching: Okay, so I watched We Need to Talk About Kevin, and I really need to talk about it with someone. It’s really haunting and good and uncomfortable, and the images are so genius. (It’s a Lynne Ramsay film, of course the visuals are stunning!) I thought it was an interesting crucible for our attitudes on motherhood, culpability and guilt, shifting point-of-view and sympathy in a way that only film can do. I could write a whole essay on subjectivity and film, using it as an example. Here’s my theory so far: the whole film is through the lens of Tilda Swinton’s character — highly stylized and steathily hallucinogenic — but the last scene is the most “objective.” Anyone want to discuss? Also watched: Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, and Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted, which I don’t really need to talk about. We were basically looking for refuge from the 95-degree heat. It was super-cute, but man, do kids’ movies move fast these days.
Reading: I’m reading a few John Steinbeck short novels: Burning Bright and To a God Unknown. Why have I not read more Steinbeck in my life? I’m gonna make up for it now. Lately I’ve been reading all the Anne of Green Gables books, too. There’s something so comfortable and soothing about reading books you loved as a kid.
Wearing: A old Veronica Branquinho button-down as a kind of jacket over a white tank top and skinny jeans (while the weather is still reasonably mild.) With my glasses. It’s a direct rip-off of a girl that I spotted in my favorite writing coffeeshop: clean-cut, quirky nerdy chic but really subtle. I can’t wait for fall, though, I miss my elegant goth fairy clothes.
Eating: Last week was such a good eating week; this one has been crap. I’ve been weirdly unsettled and restless, so I eat stuff like salsa and chips and Gummi worms and convince myself it is sustenance.
Wanting: I still want a vacation, or at least a long beautiful weekend. Maybe Prince Edward Island, in honor of Anne of Green Gables! But I feel pretty content with things overall and don’t want much except for stuff like new Warby Parker glasses.
Needing: Still apartment hunting! God, I HATE MOVING SO MUCH. It unsettles me so.
Thinking: It’s real nuts and bolts kind of strategizing, like aligning and setting in place social media stuff, outlining blog posts, balancing that entrepreneurial stuff with creative labor. Left brain vs. right brain stuff and trying to strike a sense of ease and equilibrium with it.
Dreaming: I had a dream that I was signing up for the most convoluted art museum membership ever, at the oddest museum in a weirdly modernist city. It had these weird levels of participation, including ones that offered a “monograph of the month” club and the chance to be in an ongoing installation.
Feeling: Bubbling over with a strange brew of anxiety at moving (always a given), excitement for a place of my own, and being tired because I need a nap.
Anticipating: My fetal release anniversary day this week! And the dinner that will accompany it.
Loving: Cloudy mornings with gusts of cool breezes; the smell of freshly mown lawns; a new green smoothie recipe; the dance cardio class at my gym, which is basically like a hip-hop class on speed; outdoor pools and swimming laps in the evening; cucumber cocktails; bowling, even when I suck at it, like I did last night; walks by the river, drinking beer, sitting by the edge of the shore and watching the boats float along.
Writing: A short story, and already my next newsletter, which will come out with the new moon in July. I really welcome the opportunity to write more intimately and open-heartedly in a more protected setting. Oddly, it’s made me much more focused and clear about what I will do here and in other Internet-content settings.